r/sadcringe Dec 06 '21 Silver 3 Helpful 4 Wholesome 4

My friend is in a sad cringe relationship.

[deleted]

34.7k Upvotes

3.7k

u/DrunkAquarium Dec 06 '21

He'll learn. Although it will be the hard way.

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u/down_vote_magnet Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

The word ‘loser’ is usually applied to lazy, useless men, but this woman is a loser. She straight up can’t be bothered to do anything, so she uses her privilege of “I’ve always dreamt of being a housewife” to manipulate this poor guy into supporting her.

Good on you, OP, for risking your friendship by trying to help him. If he resents you in the short term, one day he’ll see her for what she really is and realise you are a true friend.

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u/King_Offa Dec 06 '21

Why is ‘loser’ a masculine trait? Lmao

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u/CatMan_Sad Dec 06 '21

I don’t think it is but I’ve honestly never heard anyone call a woman a loser

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u/Snazz55 Dec 06 '21

That is a really interesting observation. Never thought about it like that but you're completely right.

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u/StuckInAtlanta Dec 07 '21

Traditionally men were judged on career success and women on attractiveness

So the equivalent of a loser for women would be calling them unattractive, at least in the past

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u/LineKnown2246 Dec 07 '21

Or a "cow".

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u/DylanGamer2015 Dec 07 '21

Hey hey, cows are majestic creatures with tons of cuteness okay?you ever seen a cow after its been given a bath? Cutest thing ever...

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u/Swayyyettts Dec 06 '21

It’s like the phrase “there are no ugly girls, just lazy ones”, but for men

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u/Bigr789 Dec 07 '21

Well let me be the exception because I know a ton of loser women.

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u/abutthole Dec 06 '21

Societal norms make it imperative for all men to find jobs and sustain themselves, women don't have the same pressure (they have different pressures - getting married and becoming housewives etc). So it's more acceptable for a woman to not have a job. When a man doesn't, he's a loser by societal standards.

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u/Caelus9 Dec 06 '21

She should definitely be pulling her weight, but also, 25 hours a week is like nothing.

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u/heybud86 Dec 06 '21 Silver Helpful Table Slap Yummy

A single part time job supporting 2 people. Maybe if just had a full time job he could support his woman's dream of being a housecat.

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u/GuiltyStimPak Dec 06 '21

Hey some of us legitimately dream of being housecats

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u/aedroogo Dec 06 '21

Some people here have never tried to nap in a sunny spot that moves two feet every hour and it shows.

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u/DisposableWageSlave Dec 06 '21

You have to get one of those perches that attaches right next to the window. It'll change your life.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

mew

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u/Hefty_Ant1025 Dec 06 '21

Mewtwo

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u/pikunderscored Dec 07 '21

I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant… It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.

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u/Spartan-182 Dec 07 '21

Don't you threaten me with a good time!

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u/EternalPhi Dec 06 '21

I doubt there's a more carefree existence than that.

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u/MisterUltimate Dec 06 '21

Dreaming and trying to actually live that life are very different things though

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u/Mr_Industrial Dec 06 '21

Are you saying I need to start charging my cat rent? Ok Ill try.

Edit: He pushed over my glassware

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u/Kagalath Dec 06 '21

If you try again, you'll have to pay him rent

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u/AmishDeathMatch Dec 06 '21

Charge him to replace it.

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u/theMerlinWall Dec 06 '21

For a moment my brain refused to acknowledge you wrote housecat not housewife… and then all of a sudden your comment was the funniest thing ever.

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u/DCannaCopia Dec 07 '21

Last name Ponderosa.

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u/adroberts91 Dec 06 '21

Might be a student

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u/tilenb Dec 07 '21

Yeah, OP's tone makes it sound that those 25h a week that the friend works isn't the only thing he does.

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u/satansayssurfsup Dec 06 '21

This was my takeaway too. Both people in the relationship are living in a fairytale world.

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u/Echo_Oscar_Sierra Dec 06 '21

Maybe if they have a kid, that will help

(/s)

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u/aedroogo Dec 06 '21

Narrator: "It didn't."

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u/I_AmYeti Dec 06 '21

Heard the arrested development narrator in my head for that one

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 09 '21

[deleted]

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u/Panda_hat Dec 07 '21

Really had me going in the first half.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21 Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

[deleted]

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u/ninjamaster616 Dec 06 '21

Yeah if you work more than a certain number of hours you're automatically disqualified from receiving disability. It's fucked.

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u/levis3163 Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

I know a guy with one arm who made too much money at a fucking bowling alley to qualify for disability. He's a twitch streamer, now, and much happier for it.

ETA: Since a couple people asked, he's at twitch.tv/gotnubb

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u/zarroc123 Dec 06 '21

That twitch handle is legendary in context.

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u/ICanFinishToThis Dec 06 '21

NOW THATS what I CALL apt Twitch Name branding. Volume 1 Arm

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u/abandonmaga Dec 06 '21

This is why I want UBI. So I can work without losing money.

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u/pease_pudding Dec 06 '21 Silver Wholesome Wholesome Seal of Approval

he is hard of hearing

No kidding. So many alarm bells going off and he's oblivious to them

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u/cruelhumor Dec 06 '21 Helpful

You mean the alarms are.......... falling on deaf ears?

We'll see ourselves out

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u/pease_pudding Dec 06 '21

I think we'll probably have to!

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u/Rhoshack Dec 06 '21

WHAT?

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u/Olliebird Dec 06 '21

I think we'll probably have to!

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u/smithers85 Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 07 '21

As someone who is literally hers of hearing and uses hearing aids, I approve of this funny thread.

Edit: I'm hers of typing too

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u/Tuesday_Of_Titties Dec 06 '21

You're gonna have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

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u/borkbanquet Dec 06 '21

This really just boils down to "being a housewife" in a nearly empty 2 bedroom is not pulling your weight in a relationship. Unless he has everything else at home taken care of for him, and I mean like everything, cooking cleaning laundry shopping whatever, I don't think that's contributing enough for a 2 bedroom's worth of rent.

If they want the gender roles thing, go nuts, but if homeboy is fully supporting her financially (and probably emotionally too, although maybe not fully), that seems like an unbalanced relationship. It's OK for relationships to be unbalanced sometimes, but it should not be the standard or norm

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u/Djeheuty Dec 06 '21

You have a fair point about his disability. I'm 100% with you on this.

I had an ex that I'll just say didn't chip in for two out of four years of the relationship. It wasn't as bad of a situation as your friend, but it was similar in the sense that I was working full time, she didn't really want to work, and didn't want to put anything towards us getting a house together. I had started looking at houses a year before we broke up and I think that was a major part of what drove me to let it end. It was going to be me 100% purchasing the house but she wanted a say in what kind of house and where.

My friend was in your position and he kept it to himself but he saw it. I saw it but didn't want to admit it.

We split up and we're honestly both better off.

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u/Reaperdude97 Dec 06 '21

The guy might be a student. In which case 25 hours is a lot.

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u/Flaechezinker Dec 06 '21

I mean its not nothing. For carrying two people its way too little yes but everyone working 60 hours per week mindset is just so unhealthy

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u/Dismal-Ad-2985 Dec 06 '21

25 hours a week isn't nothing, if you are happy off it.

Working less should be the goal for everyone lol.

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u/deepseahaggis Dec 06 '21

Denormalize 40 hour work weeks!

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u/DiegotheEcuadorian Dec 06 '21

That’s almost 4 hours a day lmao.

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u/a_regular_bi-angle Dec 06 '21

Or 8 hours a day with a four-day weekend

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u/aawagga Dec 06 '21

that sounds nice

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u/07g6gt Dec 06 '21 Wholesome

Housewife =/= Stay at home mom

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u/Dresline Dec 06 '21

Exactly. Although the rest of their points are valid.

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u/neoKushan Dec 06 '21 Helpful All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy

They may be valid, but it's none of his business either.

I'm sure this will get downvotes, but it's nothing to do with him, whatever his friend's relationship with his girlfriend, whatever their arrangement is stays between them.

All that's going to happen here is the friend will end up resenting op, side with his gf and end up isolated.

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u/BiNumber3 Dec 07 '21

Isn't that what good friends are for? To help us realize we might be making a mistake?

If a buddy of mine was in a clearly bad relationship, I'd try to let em know. But, that's about as far as I'd go unless it was clearly wrecking their life. Since as you say, it is his life, and not mine.

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u/NFL_On_Mobile Dec 07 '21

Depends on the context. Did this discussion follow this guy asking for a loan? If I wasn't willing to give a loan I may question the arrangement more. It became my business when you wanted my money to support you and your housewife.

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u/sleutherino Dec 07 '21 Take My Energy

I agree. It's fair to question to arrangement, but not keep pushing like this. Frankly, if she's doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry, I think it's OK compared to his 25 hours.

Some people pay big money to have that household stuff taken care of. If he really hates doing that stuff, this arrangement could be worth it to him.

Like, it's not my thing, but not everybody has to do things the way I like. This friend should learn to respect his friend's differences or it will likely end their friendship.

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u/SuperSimpleSam Dec 07 '21

I think it's OK compared to his 25 hours.

I think that's the problem. 25 hrs a week isn't enough to support 2 people. If he was making enough or had a second job I could see this working out. Money is a high risk subject for couples.

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u/Azalon76 Dec 07 '21

According to a comment by OP, the guy is deaf and on disability. If you make too much while on disability or work too much, they'll kick you off. In his situation, working 25 and staying on disability nets more money than trying to jump into a full time or second job.

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u/littledebiru Dec 07 '21

This. Despite not being married or having kids, I'm considered a housewife by my partner. I cook dinners, make him lunch for work, do the laundry, clean the house etc.
When he comes home from his job, all his free time is actually free time. He doesn't need to spend it cleaning the house or cooking himself dinner or washing dishes or making sure he has clothes for work the next day, because I've done it for him. He can just come home and have dinner and play a video game or watch a movie or sit on Discord and shoot the shit with his mates.
I don't work because of COVID now, but I still get a small welfare/disability check that I use to pay a portion of the rent and buy groceries with. I don't have disposable income otherwise, but if we wanna order food or I need something for the house, or I even if I want something for myself like hair dye or getting my nails done, he's happy to spend the money for me in exchange for me to keep doing what I'm doing. It's worked out for us, and we aren't struggling at all.

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u/QueanLaQueafa Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

My brother is in this kinda relationship. Almost 10 years dating, he makes the money, but she's the leader. He does everything, cleans, works, takes care of the dog, she just does nothing, but she makes all the rules.

My brothers the nicest guy ever, and I can't like her because I feel she's just taking advantage of him.

Drives me crazy, but it's his life.

Just want to add our family has had talks, suggestions, basically tried everything but he's happy, so it is what it is

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u/TheFinnishChamp Dec 06 '21

I knew a guy like that. Stopped being friends with him because his lack of selfrespect made me hate him.

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u/his_rotundity_ Dec 06 '21

his lack of selfrespect made me hate him.

Respecting someone who doesn't respect themselves isn't rewarding or meaningful.

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u/MonkiUsesReddit Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

Teaching someone to respect and love themselves is incredibly rewarding however.

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u/mangomancum Dec 06 '21

Hmm I agree with this sentiment, but you ultimately can't teach someone self esteem. Rather, you can show them they're worthy of respect and love, and that could enable them to begin appreciating themselves more.

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u/marismia Dec 06 '21

My partner recently ended his longest friendship over a similar situation. His friend's wife (non-working, non-house working) dictates their life and the friend would use my partner as a scapegoat for when he wanted to let loose, i.e. stay at the pub for more than one drink. Guy won't stand up to his wife and just bought her a third dog to "stop her whining" even though he doesn't like dogs but is already saddled with caring for the other two. Utterly pathetic.

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u/ReadMaterial Dec 07 '21

At least they are just dogs. He can still run

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u/KoroFuma Dec 06 '21

This one right here 💯

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u/quartzguy Dec 06 '21

Some people need the structure given by a mom figure. It's not often healthy but if that's how they're going to be happy, c'est la vie.

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u/dgollas Dec 07 '21

Why does it drive you nuts if he’s happy? Isn’t that just you having expectations on what his relationship should look like?

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u/WimbletonButt Dec 06 '21

I married someone who wanted me to be a house wife. Some people are just like that. For the record, I didn't want to be a house wife, I wanted to work so I felt like I could get away if I needed to but there was so much fighting about it that it eventually felt like I wasn't allowed to work. I did eventually manage to get a job but it was on the condition that I work at the same place so he could keep an eye on me. Through all this, if anyone had asked him, he would claim that I'm the one who wanted to stay home.

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u/me_jayne Dec 06 '21

Are you still with this person? Because that’s not healthy, at all.

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u/WimbletonButt Dec 06 '21

I am not. I don't date anymore either because this is the most free I've ever felt in my life. That marriage lasted 8 years too long.

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u/me_jayne Dec 06 '21

But you didn’t make it 9 or 10 or 20 years, and that’s something to be proud of! I’m so glad you’re in a better place.

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u/ryanvango Dec 07 '21

dude same. was married, now divorced. I "enjoyed the freedom" for about a year afterwards, but I haven't dated in A WHILE. Every time I think I should get back out there, I just think about the freedom I would be giving up and say fuck that. I like being able to do what I want when I want (once my responsible adult things are done). I like being able to sit and do nothing sometimes. I love the idea of having a companion, but I also have a big group of friends I like hanging out with on my terms, so the box is kind of already ticked. being single is dope. so many people think its lonely, but it really isn't (most of the time). Its pretty fun.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21 edited 27d ago

[deleted]

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u/Conqueror_awing Dec 06 '21

ever consider your brother may have a humiliation kink? explains a lot doesn't it?

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u/augie014 Dec 06 '21

i almost feel like we are missing some context here. in what world is a 25 hours a week job “killing” someone..? are they studying? sounds like the boyfriend doesn’t really want her to get a job either. what are they both doing with their extra time? so odd lol

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u/renyxia Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

OP said in another comment that the friend is disabled. + in america if you work a certain number of hours a week you no longer qualify for disability pay

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u/augie014 Dec 06 '21

makes sense, that context is important. well it kind of sounds like they have more than enough time between the both of them to not have to worry about housework getting done.. but i have no idea their relationship or situation so i have no input. this is why i always stay quiet about other people’s relationships unless there’s something serious.

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u/Araeza Dec 07 '21

More than that, if you have more than a certain amount in your savings you lose disability.

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u/i_am_awful Dec 06 '21

Thank you! OP seems like he’s out of line here. It’s clear this guy is okay with it and wants it too, and is just as freakin lazy as he’s making her sound.

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u/augie014 Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

yeah i did a double take at “you work like 25 hours a week and are struggling”

edit: context behind this part is that he is disabled

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u/Eerawai Dec 06 '21

I did a double take at “it takes 10 mins to clean a two bedroom apartment”

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u/sleutherino Dec 07 '21

SAME. Like, how is nobody talking about that part. If they really think 10 minutes is all it takes, I'd hate to see what they consider "clean".

Like man, when I'm cleaning cleaning, I could be in the bathroom actively cleaning for well over 20 minutes scrubbing the toilet, bathtub, disinfecting things, ect.

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u/drekia Dec 07 '21

Was about to say this too. We have a two-bedroom apartment and cleaning everything properly is a whole day ordeal for me lol

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u/nickle125 Dec 06 '21

I read at it as he works 25 hours a week and is struggling financially not with the amount of work.

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u/i_am_awful Dec 06 '21

Plus, they could both have mental health issues. Struggling with 25 hours a work, and presumably not a student, makes me wonder. Also his instance that OP leave it alone. Maybe he’s supporting her rn because she needs it. OP is acting like you have to just suck everything up and pull up your bootstraps, like everything is just super simple and not complicated.

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u/augie014 Dec 06 '21

very good point. yeah, context is needed before we go around making judgements. i think the boyfriend handled it very well, i know i would be pissed if someone talked about my SO like that

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u/lunchboxdeluxe Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

If you're going to have a serious talk like this with a friend, do the both of you a favor and don't do it through text, and don't post it to the Internet. From what very little we've seen, the friend seems to be a dumb sap, but at some point soon you're going to have to start minding your own business. It's ultimately his life and not yours.

Edit: I shouldn't have even said the friend seems like a dumb sap. I was trusting OP for that judgement, but thinking it over, perhaps I shouldn't speak on that.

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u/theflooflord Dec 06 '21

That was my thought reading this was why the hell is this posted, it seems like a private disagreement that I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate op making public trying to get thousands of people to side against them. They might be making dumb choices but it's their life.

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u/MultichromeToblerone Dec 06 '21

don't do it through text

OP says in another comment that the friend is deaf/hard of hearing, text may genuinely be the only or best way they communicate with one another.

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u/lunchboxdeluxe Dec 06 '21

Huh. One of the few times I might make an exception. Fair enough, thanks for the tip.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

[deleted]

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u/broccoli_meister Dec 06 '21 Wholesome

It's a weird thread for sure. There's an argument to be made here that everyone should pull their weight, and I don't know anything about these people's relationship, but at the end of the day not everyone works and a person's career is really not their only value to the society, let alone to their relationship. Let people be housewives and househusbands, even if they need to struggle for a bit until they are faced with a new reality, the fuq is it to you.

I.e. /u/AmyH6719 if you need Redditors to validate your argument in a private conversation, how strong is the argument really?

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '21

I feel like pulling your weight is subjective though. To people who value money and a big house then pulling your weight would be 2 partners working 40+ hours a week and pulling their weight financially. Some people really value coming home and not having to worry about doing an hour of cooking + clean up every night. In this case pulling your weight would mean one partner works and contributes financially and the other partner contributes to mental well being by creating a calm place to come home to. Both are valid as long as both partners are on the same page.

Different people value different things and that’s ok

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u/cma1993 Dec 07 '21

Yeah there’s nothing wrong with this type of lifestyle if it’s what both partners actually want. Especially when kids come into the picture, if one parent stays home they get to actually raise their children with their values, not those of the cheapest after school program.

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u/GhondorIRL Dec 07 '21

People with severe Boomeritis who desperately believe you have to have a job if you're capable of having a job.

In this case I do believe the girlfriend could be helping out somehow, at least a part time job, just because they're struggling, but lots of people will think it's weird or wrong or "taking advantage" if one partner works and the other doesn't. Like fuck off with your backwards thinking and let people live their own god damned lives.

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u/chocolatechoux Dec 06 '21

Yeah that part stood out at me too. Kids definitely aren't required. I have an aunt who retired much earlier than my uncle and I'd categorize her as a housewife right now too.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21 Take My Energy

Why are people posting screenshots of things their friends wrote on here? Do you even like your friend?

I agree it's cringe and all, but if I was your friend and saw this, I would be super hurt.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21 edited 6d ago

[deleted]

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u/calxcalyx Dec 06 '21

Quite the hero.

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u/Hikekomori0_O Dec 06 '21

Thank god im not the only one who thinks this. Like ok, maybe it is sad cringe, but there's no reason to post this to the entire internet

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u/piedrift Dec 06 '21

The posting of it is actually an extra layer of cringe. The creme de la cringe.

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u/noneroy Dec 06 '21

For the fake internet points of course….

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u/Tuscanthecow Dec 06 '21

Where the hell do they live that 25/hours a week total can pay for a 2 bedroom apartment and whatever other expenses that come with it? I know he said he is struggling but like...

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u/Apolloraven Dec 06 '21 Silver This

My advice: Stay out of other people's relationships.

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u/deadfeet3 Dec 06 '21

Obviously bring input when needed, just dont keep nagging about it

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u/Pedinhuh Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 07 '21 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome This

Sounds like the two of them are in a mutual agreement and you don't really get it, OP.

Some people like having just that: A housemaid that they call "wife/girlfriend" and have a romantic relationship with, who will look after their home while they're busy working and making money and then comes home tired, just wants to eat anything and have a shower and rest, but doesn't want to deal with any house chores.

The problem here is that your friend is struggling to maintain this choice of lifestyle, IMO they shouldn't have such an agreement if he can't sustain it but that's none of my business.

EDIT: Way too many people replying, many agreeing with me and some got triggered, I disabled the notifications because the spam was becoming unbearable.

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u/RandomIdiot2048 Dec 06 '21

I detest cooking, so if I had a housewife just cook me one meal a day and maybe a few boxes for work I'd be golden.

I'd also have less expenses, I have to pay rent anyway...

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u/Clawkx Dec 06 '21

people underestimate how helpful a frugal houseperson can be. having someone at home to receive deliveries or let the plumber in etc. spares you a lot of stress and scheduling. it's a lot of small things that add up to a happy life.

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u/Cavalish Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 07 '21 Wholesome

I’m that “house person” sort of. I work three days a week (12 hour shifts) and my partner works five 9-5 days.

That gives me two extra days to get the house clean for the weekend, do the grocery shopping, do a midweek load of laundry, do the errands like the post office, the bank etc, and gives me time to cook a nice meal 4 days a week and meal prep for the other three.

My partner, who earns more, says the benefits of going into a weekend with a clean slate of daily chores has made his life so much better. He still does odd tasks like the lawn or the weekend laundry and dishes, but they’ve not piled up all week.

We can enjoy our weekends free of obligations (outside of the dog, who demands constant notice.)

I don’t think I’ll ever go back to a five day work week.

Edit: also not mentioned is a great deal of emotional labour. I keep the household diary. I know when every birthday is and make sure presents and dinners are organised, I make sure our social time is handled and my partner lets me know what recreation he wants to do and I book it in and organise it. There’s a lot to be said for keeping family and social ties robust and happy.

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u/faintoldrhyme Dec 07 '21

Do you feel like you do more overall work since, despite you being home for longer stretches of time, you both still work a full-time job with roughly the same hours - yet you also organize and run the whole household? Or do the shift styes really make a difference? Zero judgment, just curious.

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u/deviantbono Dec 07 '21

I've definitely seen research that part-time homemakers are more dissatisfied than either two-income or full-time homemaker. Obviously, I can't speak for this person in particular.

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '21

Don’t go back. I was working 20 hours a week during the peak of the pandemic and I got a new, full time job.

The house is a disaster, we eat out more often than not, the dogs only really get to do fun stuff on the weekends now. It is what it is for now we need the money but if you can help it, don’t go back!

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u/SuchACommonBird Dec 07 '21

Damn, y'all are living the dream.

My wife and I have been married 12 years this February, and up until now we've been one full-time, one part-time/in school, switching back and forth between us as needed. It's always been nice having one person home to be able to get the kid from school if there's an issue, etc.

We moved to a high cost of living area this past fall, and for the first time have both taken up full time jobs, and it's exhausting. We're having a hard time just keeping up with the basic quality of life we've enjoyed. I don't know how people do this for a lifetime. Probably going to end up hiring a housemaid to come do the hard cleaning every two weeks.

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

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u/Cavalish Dec 06 '21

Haha, nah we still have the messy life everyone has, I just bristled at the idea that house-spouses are lazy or entitled, especially if they don’t have kids.

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u/the_dayman Dec 07 '21

I've even been understanding more about the "mental chores" that one person in the house takes care of that can honestly take a huge amount of stress off the other person. My wife does stuff like, make the grocery lists/plan meals, keep up our calendar for events with family and friends/send out cards and gifts for birthdays etc, make sure bills are being paid, keeping up with pets medications etc.

Lots of things you don't really think of that another person around the house can really help out with.

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u/Cavalish Dec 07 '21

It annoys me when I see these things put down as “silly womens trifles” or media rolls their eyes at this woman doing dinner parties and decorating the house for Christmas.

It’s like, oh sorry, I didn’t realise you wanted no friends and to live in an ugly house.

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u/Mr_friend_ Dec 07 '21

This is the comment that OP needs to read. The sadcringe is that his friend told him more than once in these two images to respect his lifestyle and indicated they've had this conversation more than once. But he just keeps harping on it.

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u/Davegrave Dec 06 '21

I make a good living but it’s killing me keeping everything up alone. I’d be overjoyed with this arrangement.

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u/inkybreadbox Dec 06 '21

Exactly. Their choice if that is the dynamic they want. He’s just stupid for thinking it will work with him only working 25 hours a week.

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u/ButterMyBiscuit Dec 06 '21

Food stamp sugardaddy lol

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u/The_Woman_of_Gont Dec 07 '21

She's clearly just a gold digger after those SWEET Papa Murphy's take-and-bake pizzas.

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u/i_am_awful Dec 06 '21

People on this sub are so deluded and far from reality, it blows my mind. Only parts of the situation are purposefully being shown to make us side with OP. Even so, his friend is being reasonable and OP is being really aggressive.

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u/SmellyGhosty Dec 07 '21

Also pretty shitty of OP to put their friend on blast by posting their private conversation about the friend’s relationship in a cringe subreddit.

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u/pizzabash Dec 07 '21

Don't forget when you see dumb shit being argued on reddit how many users on here are literal children with 0 life experiences.

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u/DJDanaK Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 06 '21

Yep. You're only being taken advantage of if you don't agree or understand your arrangement. They're consenting adults, who cares? I've had boyfriends "live off" me for various reasons and I've "lived off" my husband while going through school.

I used to have this idea that you each need to be doing exactly equal everything but that's just not how relationships work all of the time. It's not always out of line to have one person working and one not, just like it's not out of line for one person to have an easy job and the other to have a hard job, or a well paying job vs a low paying job. It's unusual but it doesn't always mean someone's being taken advantage of.

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u/ArmachiA Dec 06 '21

I'm a housewife and we don't have kids. I do all the cleaning, grocery shopping, and all the budgeting/bill paying because my husband wants nothing to with it. He has a pretty decent work/life balance but when he is at work he's there for 13 hours at least (he gets 3 or 4 days off a week though) and comes home a zombie. He also has really lenient PTO and can take time off whenever, so it's easy to plan around him since I don't work.

HOWEVER. We can afford that lifestyle. If you can't afford it, you'll only make yourself miserable trying to force yourself into it because of the constant anxiety of bills.

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u/zanylife Dec 07 '21

OP was unfair to reduce housework to "cleaning the house in 10mins".

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u/princesskiki Dec 07 '21

Exactly. He has no idea how much time or effort she puts into their home. It might be 10 minutes or it might be a part time job.

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u/ArmachiA Dec 07 '21

It depends on the day, I bet. For me, sometimes it's 10 minutes, and then the next day it's a good 6 hours. It isn't just cleaning, a lot of people forget the errands you have to run. And with us, because I'm always home, I do smaller grocery trips every few days to cut down on food waste and because there's no way our fickle butts can preplan dinners two weeks in advance when we want to cook. It's a lot more appealing to eat at home that way.

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u/nutcrackr Dec 06 '21

I do not side with OP. If this arrangement works out for both parties then it's perfectly fine. I don't think we have enough information here to make a true judgement call, but this short snippet is also nowhere near enough to condemn OP's friend/relationship.

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u/Damdamfino Dec 07 '21

Also, people in this thread don’t seem to realize that taking care of the house is a job too. Most of the time in live-in relationships like this, the woman is still expected to clean, cook, launder, ie “take care of the house” ON TOP of having a job. It devalues the work and time spent at home and it’s a toxic mindset.

In my late teens/early 20s I dated a guy that insisted I had to have a job to be with him. I was a full time student, working 30+ hours a week and got a promotion under a year at my job, and I took care of everything in the apartment. All he had to do was go to work 6am-6pm and still expected me to do everything at home, and then he guilted me when it wasn’t done or he threw a fit when I asked him to at least take the dog on a walk when he got home and I was at work. It literally drove me into a mental breakdown.

If OP wants girlfriend to get a job, he better expect his friend to also take up at least half of the chores at home.

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u/Long_Mechagnome Dec 06 '21

I feel like half the people in this comment section so vehemently against it are probably the jealous incel type that are thinking "She's probably fucking other dudes while you are at work".

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u/carotcake7 Dec 06 '21

Well I think you are no one to judge if they agreed on that

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u/Dark_Macadaemia Dec 06 '21

Sounds to me like it's none of your business🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/abutthole Dec 06 '21

Honestly, when you're telling your friend what to do with their relationship you shouldn't be this pushy. Say what you feel once, make it known, but it's their choice and you have to respect that.

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u/dafighder Dec 06 '21

After my dad died, my girlfriend let me stay with her for a while because I couldn’t stand living in the old house. I didn’t work, but I did shit for her. I built her a shed, did yard work ALL the time, cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner and made sure her home was like i left it was if not cleaner. Took care of her dogs when she was working. I told her to leave a to-do list for me and I knocked it all out. Clean gutters, do hedge work, electrical, you name it. I will say, if she’s doing a whole lot of stuff like that aside from taking care of two bedrooms, it’ll probably round out, honestly. If she’s sitting around on Instagram all day and he comes and cooks/cleans and does shit that’s different.

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u/jo10001110101 Dec 06 '21 Gold Helpful

"we have spoken about this"

Stay out of your friend's shit. You've clearly told him how you feel in the past, and once is enough. You don't know what goes on between them. If someone was disrespecting someone that I care for in this way, I would not be friends with them.

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u/-Living-Daylights- Dec 06 '21 Gold

Seriously, the only sadcringe thing I see here is OP thinking they're being a good friend.

By all means try to give your friend advice if they ask but know when shit isn't your business.

Also don't grass up your friends on the internet.

His mate might have a lazy GF, but he's got a POS for a friend/.

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u/KnorkeKiste Dec 07 '21

and then posting it on reddit

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u/goodshrekmaadcity Dec 06 '21

general advice : shut the fuck up about other people's lives, especially when talking about them in when they're not there to explain, elaborate on, and defend their choices. rude af

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

They are two grown adults that plan their life. If BOTH are uncomfortable with her working why put any pressure? I don’t see any sad cringe in it

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u/welfareplate Dec 06 '21

I'd be pretty pissed off if one of my friends decided to make my relationship and living arrangements their business. The only cringe here is you my guy

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u/SilverAnd_Cold Dec 06 '21

Mind your business. I’d hate to have you as a friend. Oh and mind your business.

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u/NanoGeek Dec 06 '21

Also, don't go posting private, potentially embarrassing, conversations on the Internet so that strangers can validate your arguments. It's tacky.

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u/nicigar Dec 06 '21

I disagree with the judgement.

We have no idea what kind of support she gives him, how caring she is, how good his home life is. If that’s the arrangement they wish to have as adults, then who are any of us to say otherwise?

That said, he probably needs to be working more than 25 hours a week to make it economically sensible.

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u/xefobod904 Dec 06 '21

Yep, if this is what they want to do then that's up to them.

I'm guessing there is more to it and OP feels like his friend is being taken advantage of, which may well be true, but at the end of the day the friend is the one who gets to decide if that's actually true or not.

However friends GF may want to consider some part time work, because if they're not paying the bills soon enough she'll be housewife of a tent or cardboard box.

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u/ClutteredDesk Dec 06 '21

it sounds like he’s okay with the dynamic and you are bringing your personal opinions into this, OP.

he even says “i dont like this tone”, which probably means you are going about communicating your concerns in a way he doesnt benefit from, lol. you dont need to butt your head into their dynamic if it works for them, and hes clearly ok with her being a housewife too. just because you dont agree with it doesnt mean you can act like a dick and discredit whatever effort she goes through to keep their apartment clean/cooking, and whatever other chores they have. some people prefer a nuclear home and thats fine. also, 25 hours isnt a lot lol if you arent in school.

as an aside, a lot of men (not all, obviously) dont want their other partner to pay rent and find it emasculating. maybe try to cut back on the condescending tone when you communicate to him if youre really that concerned about their financial situation lol

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u/Enough_Ladder9623 Dec 06 '21

He’s getting sex and likes it. His place is clean. He’s telling you what he’s comfortable with and to basically fuck off - seems clear to me he’s telling you he’s drawing boundaries and is no longer soliciting more support for something he’s clearly not in favor of.

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u/Enticing_Venom Dec 06 '21

Yes. From the looks of it he is in a sad cringe friendship with someone who publicly shames him and his girlfriend on the internet.

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u/gamebuster Dec 06 '21

You’re a questionable friend by being way too pushy with your opinion and then posting it on the internet

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u/major_errors Dec 06 '21

But she's a house.... Friend?... So she's basically a house cat

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u/shotof-J Dec 06 '21

Well, cats don’t clean. I know, I have one and she just makes a mess. At least this woman cleans lol but yeah she needs a job or to be dumped.

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u/PM_ME_UR_CATS_TITS Dec 06 '21

I presume they bang

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u/deadfeet3 Dec 06 '21

So he gives her money AND lets her have sex with him whenever she wants??

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u/thechaseofspade Dec 06 '21

Why are you so involved in other peoples relationships? I mean you can tell him what you think but unless they specifically want advice from you, you just have to let him figure it out on his own.

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u/Orang314 Dec 06 '21

It sounds like you're trying to be in the relationship also.

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u/nadiaraven Dec 07 '21

My wife and I both deal with a lot of anxiety. She has more trouble getting out of the house, so she is a housewife, and I would do ~25 hour work weeks. We were both at our max energy expenditure, and we were also struggling financially. But I would come home exhausted from work and my wife makes dinner and cleans, and I really appreciate that; it means I can relax and focus on resting up for the next day's work.

Without more info, I wouldn't say OP's friend is in a sad cringe relationship. If they're communicating about their needs, maybe this is a comfortable arrangement for them.

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u/QuiccStacc Dec 06 '21

Well for one there's a difference between a stay at home wife and stay at home mum - you don't have to have kids to be a stay at home wife?

Additionally, it takes a lot longer than 10 minutes to clean a two-bedroom apartment - especially if she does hoovering, dusting, washing up, laundry... all those types of chores

25 hours isn't that much and he could potentially do more - he's happy with the relationship as is she. Yes there may be some red flags here but there really is not enough context to say this relationship is completely sad or cringe. It might be a healthy relationship that seems bad on the surface.

EDIT : after rereading she IS doing chores like laundry. Idk man, I get you're concerned, but the relationship may actually be okay - she's cleaning the house and doing chores so he doesn't have to, he's working enough for them to live. Maybe try and see it from your friend's POV instead of saying kind of bad things like it only takes 10 minutes and chores don't count.

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u/SilverAnd_Cold Dec 06 '21

I’m glad someone said it! All we know is OP’s side that they’re telling and it seems cringe that they posted this to begin with. Clearly the friend has no problem with the arrangement of their relationship and seems annoyed OP is bringing the subject up again. Friend even says they “have already spoken about this.” It sounds to me OP here is attempting (repeatedly) to instigate an argument between the friend and the girlfriend. The only cringe on this post is OP thinking anyone gives a fuck about a random guys girlfriend, who clearly OP has some issues/jealousy with.

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u/kharmatika Dec 06 '21

Ugh this is tacky as shit, girl. Posting other peoples business where they can find it. What if either of these people saw this. You’re a shit friend and you should feel like shit about this

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u/imnotaloneyouare Lemme Taste Your Spine Dec 06 '21

I think the cringiest part of this is how you think it's up to you to dictate a relationship you're not even in. Whatever arrangement they have is their business

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u/kharmatika Dec 06 '21

This. Dude has half the story and is making double the judgements. You worry about your friend you go “hey maybe you could talk to her bout getting a job” and then if he responds with “no she’s happy where she is and I support that” you butt the fuck out

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u/SANTAAAA__I_know_him Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 07 '21

Look, I think housewife/househusband is perfectly fine if it's an otherwise happy/healthy relationship and both people involved are okay with living together off just one income. But being a homemaker means you actually take care of chores related to the house every day. This is the minimum list of what I'd say is necessary:

  • Clean home
    • Laundry
    • Wash dishes
    • Sweep/vacuum
    • Take out trash
    • If applicable, yard work depending on season; i.e. rake leaves/shovel snow/mow lawn, etc.
  • Grocery shopping
    • Meal prep for work lunches
    • Cook dinner/breakfast
  • If applicable, pet care
    • Feed
    • Clean litter box
    • Take dog outside and for walks
  • Pay bills/take care of annoying occasional errands
    • Call customer service whenever there's a problem with the internet/heating/plumbing/etc.
    • Renew insurance/car registration
    • File income tax return

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u/grenadinegarden Dec 06 '21

Seriously, a full time homemaker does more than cook and do a little cleaning here and there. I am the homemaker on top of working (partner brings home four times what I do a day at least) and it’s a part time job if you’re actually cleaning and taking care of things. My day starts at 5am and ends at 11pm more or less if I’m doing everything I need to daily.

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u/SSTralala Dec 06 '21

We have two kids I'm in the home for due to childcare costs, but also me doing basically everything tackles the issues of grocery shopping, bill paying, meal preparing and cooking, laundry washing and putting away, dishwashing, house cleaning, appointment scheduling and tracking, and being in charge of the flow of everyone's lives and every little detail in the house. Never underestimate someone else dealing with every single other thing in your life besides your job, it's like having an extra brain and pair of hands that only wants food and shelter and your Netflix password.

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u/TheAliSareini Dec 06 '21

Sorry but if that’s what they agreed on and both are happy what’s the problem here. It’s also work to maintain a home. Me and my wife work all the time and literally pay someone to clean for us because we don’t have the time and energy ourselves. If I made more money my wife would probably do this while working on art and fashion projects.

Also, if you only work 25 hours a week and can still afford to survive and you got a 2 bedroom appt, that’s sus. You don’t gotta be a hero my guy but work a little more. If you’re comfortable with your SO having that lifestyle, make more money so you don’t need dual income 🤷 The real simps r the ones that can’t keep up. Keeping it real.

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u/liquifyingclown Dec 06 '21

imho, you're a bigger moron for not understanding the difference between housewife and stay at home mom.

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u/Suitable_Hat_3851 Dec 07 '21

Yeah OP sounds like hes 15

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u/goodshrekmaadcity Dec 06 '21

which one is "sad cringe" here? the one with an agreed upon arrangement with a partner or the guy sticking his nose into other people's business and being a dick about it?

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u/Faelinor Dec 06 '21

Terrible communication on your part that would have zero chance of changing their opinion.

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u/Southern-Ant8592 Dec 07 '21

OP is even more cringe.

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u/goatsandwich43 Dec 07 '21 edited Dec 07 '21

Mind your business tbh. Its not up to you to tell others how to run their relationship. And btw cleaning a two bedroom apartment does not take 10 minutes. This shows youve either never cleaned your own house or your house is dirty af.

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u/welcomehomo Dec 06 '21

youre not a relationship counselor. i think the real cringe is you getting upset at a relationship dynamic that doesnt concern you whatsoever

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u/Lamprophonia Dec 07 '21

I know I'm going to get shit on for this, but... sometimes there are other unspoken reasons for situations like this. Before my wife and I were married, we decided that working for her was pointless. She made barely enough to keep her car insured, and suffers from a severe anxiety disorder... it was a near-daily occurrence for her to need to run off to the bathroom and throw up or suffer through a panic attack. It just wasn't worth it, so she's been staying home since. She was also easily embarrassed by this situation so I found myself more than once on the defensive in conversations exactly like this. Basically, someone would be like "why she don't work though" and I'd just say "because it ain't your fucking business. We have our reasons."

I know this is reddit and everyone comes here to just dogpile on people when they're at their most vulnerable, but step back and think about it for a bit. You don't know fuckall about her or him or their relationship or their private problems. The man is making it CLEAR that he doesn't need you in his business. Take a hint.

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u/NugBlazer Dec 07 '21

Honestly, just because a couple doesn’t have kids doesn’t mean a woman can’t still be a housewife. Even without kids, keeping the house, especially a big one, clean and taken care of is still a lot of work. I don’t agree with this post at all

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u/rainbeaux_s Dec 07 '21

I mean, being a homemaker is 110% a full-time job, even without kids. The whole reason the 40 hour work week is a thing is because it was presumed a man would have a wife at home who'd handle Literally Everything Else about his life -- cook, clean, and pay the bills.

Now, whether she is doing that or, as OP says, just sitting around doing nothing, we don't know without more info. And if the bills aren't getting paid then something needs to change, one person working part time definitely can't support two adults. Basically, in this particular situation it doesn't sound fair, but I really don't like the implication that keeping up a two-person home isn't work or putting in one's fair share, because it absolutely is.

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u/invisigawth Dec 06 '21

honestly i don’t like your tone either. unless he’s whining his relationship about it all the time, i feel like you’re being really pushy. ease up.

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u/MyCatsAJabroni Dec 06 '21

OP you're a fucked up friend for posting this to reddit. I hope the guy doesn't see it.

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u/doitforfun7 Dec 06 '21

He doesn’t like your tune bro. Back the fuck off

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u/ReguluzBlakc Dec 06 '21

If he only has 25 hours a week his hours might have been cut too on top of everything else

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u/JamesRickii Dec 06 '21

Where in fuck do they live where 25 hours a week of work is somehow livable

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u/LeahMarieChamp Dec 07 '21

1950s household dynamics are a very real and very valid way of engaging in a relationship. It seems as though your friend and his partner have a mutual agreement that this style of relationship works for them and makes them comfortable.

There is a really messed up trend happening these days where people think a man taking care of a woman financially, is a man “simping”. What a disgusting term. And if a woman wants a man who will take care of her financially, she is called lazy, gold digging or opportunistic. Equally disgusting terms.

Among me and my partners inner circles, we have friends who have all kinds of styles of relationships. Some where both work, some where only one of them works. Some of us have kids and some of us have none. There are married friends, divorced friends and single friends. We have never once thought to judge any of them for their relationship or family status nor the way the conduct their personal lives. I have heard more times from friends, “It doesn’t bother me to spend money on… (hobbies, extravagant purchases, women/men they are dating, married to or just fucking)” than I have ever heard before in my adult life. Maybe it’s just maturity, being in your late 30s/early 40s and having lived life in various stages until finding ourselves comfortably seeking those with similar outlooks on life but…genuinely, it’s zero judgements. Come to us in your hours of tribulation and we will do/give whatever we can to help you overcome it. Otherwise, we’re just here to celebrate you and whatever form of happiness you seek.

The real sad cringe is you posting about this private conversation and trying to get randoms on the internet to disrespect your friend and/or his girlfriend.

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u/DoofiePuked Dec 06 '21

I'm in this situation except I'm the woman. I don't contribute financially since last week and I haven't had luck finding a job that I can do. I'm 27 with the back pain of an 80 year old since I have arthritis In my back. Idk what to do or where to go but I feel like a useless pile of dog shit and I know from the outside I look like a leach on my fiance. Dunno why I'm posting this. Just venting I guess.

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u/_Nana777 Dec 07 '21

You're the sad cringe here OP. Mind your own business, and she IS a housewife. Or, a housegirlfriend I guess. You don't have to have kids to be a housewife. It's not the same as "stay at home mom"

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u/luisl1994 Dec 06 '21 edited Dec 07 '21

Hey man you tried, time to back off and let him figure out this stuff on his own

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u/[deleted] Dec 06 '21

I don’t get involved in my friends relationships or problems anymore. They will just resent you for it. Let them fail on their own. He’s an adult too, grow the fuck up.