r/mildlyinfuriating Oct 20 '21 Silver 3 Helpful 5 Wholesome 7 Hugz 11

This passenger

Post image
61.5k Upvotes

1.8k

u/NufoniaFall Oct 20 '21 Wholesome

I would have every condiment available on that tray

888

u/plushpup2068 Oct 20 '21 Silver

Flight attendant? I need some honey for my tea, please.

307

u/SuchCoolBrandon Oct 21 '21

Excuse me, flight attendant, there's a hair in my tea.

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u/random_invisible Oct 21 '21

Yeah, dip it in something sticky, by accident of course. They need to learn to keep hair out of other people's personal space.

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6.0k

u/getyourcheftogether Oct 20 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome Hugz Table Slap

open tray table, close it, turn to lock.

2.0k

u/cabbagetbi Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21 Silver Helpful Take My Energy

Lift it up a bit first, so there's some momentum before it pulls.

Edit:. Wow! So many people upvoting/awarding this comment. Thank you. You're all sick. Thank you!

579

u/Hot-Currency-8078 Oct 21 '21

Hopefully you’re in an exit row, trap it in the emergency door

239

u/FirstSineOfMadness Oct 21 '21

Tie it in a knot around something sturdy

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u/cardboard-kansio Oct 21 '21

Bonus points if you can wind some of the hair into the tray hinges first.

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u/MartyMcFly702 Oct 21 '21

I like the way you think

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547

u/sunshine-x Oct 21 '21

I had to scroll way too far for this.

It’s the right answer, but I’d add “then get up and go to the bathroom”.

182

u/ricenoodlestw Oct 21 '21

Exactly since we cant have scissors. Open tray, eat starbucks, close tray, enjoy.

403

u/A_Bit_Narcissistic Oct 21 '21

Gum is allowed on planes.

That’s all I’m gonna say.

97

u/Adryzz_ Oct 21 '21

oh my fucking god i just imagined it aaaa how can i unimagine it

48

u/Evil-Santa Oct 21 '21

Yeah, I generally take gum on plane. I would actually wait till she got up then put it on the back of the seat.If her hair get stuck well...

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u/Ellora-Victoria Oct 21 '21

Then pour some water on your fingers, fake a loud sneeze, at the same time flick a good amount of water onto the back of her head.

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u/kelsobjammin Oct 21 '21

My thoughts exactly evil laughter

43

u/klem_kadiddlehopper Oct 21 '21

A little while back a Redditor had this very same issue. He or she said they spent the entire flight tying tiny knots in the person's hair. Like, a lot of tiny knots.

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u/faithle55 Oct 21 '21

Yeah, that's better.

I was thinking: "Move your hair, or I'll smear food in it."

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4.0k

u/McRandomRooster Oct 20 '21 Silver Gold Hugz

Take your sock off and stick your leg up in between the seats.

2.4k

u/OnTopicMostly Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21 Silver Heartwarming

Slowly, but with purpose.

Edit: my most upvoted comment is now about passive aggressive foot placement. I’m okay with this.

1.6k

u/typicalninetieschild Oct 21 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome Hugz All-Seeing Upvote

Wiggle the toes to tell her hello.

534

u/redldr1 Oct 21 '21 I'm Deceased

Coo softly.

488

u/Sung-got-Drip Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21

Let out a few seductive farts.

Edit: I can't believe my single shitty comment produced so many hilarious comments.

174

u/MaskedRacoon03 Oct 21 '21

Seductive what?

269

u/Thetonitnow Oct 21 '21

Farts. Gas from the Ass

198

u/baddie_PRO Oct 21 '21

the ill wind of the west.

62

u/So-Little-Time Oct 21 '21

The tootie from the bootie

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154

u/Thetonitnow Oct 21 '21

The smell from the well.

136

u/LELANDYEE Oct 21 '21

The stench from the bench.

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u/DanTMWTMP Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21 Party Train

Ok somewhat serious topic related to farting in airplanes. I fly A LOT. I’ve been to every single continent on this planet; but my body could never get used to flying. I always get incredibly gassy due to the lowered cabin air pressure, and develop incredible amounts of farts.

Usually, I’m in an aisle seat, and use the head to let loose all the gas.

If I’m not on an aisle seat, usually the dude next to me is sleeping and it’s a pain in the ass to wake him up every hour to go and do my hourly ass shout inside the lavatory.

In international flights, one always gets blankets. I’d tuck in my blanket against the seat to seal my body to the seat. Not only is this warm, but it allows me to release my butt breath peacefully.

I’d lean to one side and open my flaps and open my starfish wide so there’s less chance of booming noise from the evacuating gas. As soon as the wind blows, I stuff my head into the blanket and take LARGE BREATHS to breath in as much of my brew as possible before anyone else can smell it.

My colleague caught me doing this and exclaimed “just what the fuck are you doing”

I replied, “well, do you smell fart?”

“no…”

Me “then it worked.”

"you're a considerate person"

10

u/Revolutionary-Bell38 Oct 21 '21

What a terrible day to be literate

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u/Window_Cleaner11 Oct 21 '21

I hope there’s no drip in those seductive farts

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u/Kick_Natherina Oct 21 '21 Take My Energy

Make sure to mutter something just audibly about this weird toe fungus your doctor identified on you yesterday.

16

u/Neva-u-mind Oct 21 '21

Honey, did you remember to pack the Lamisil?

27

u/MentallyOffGrid Oct 21 '21

Don’t worry about looking for the lamisil in the carry on, I just flossed between my toes with this giant hair pile….

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183

u/OwnQuit Oct 21 '21

Not before flossing between your toes with her hair.

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u/Imgoobie Oct 21 '21 Wholesome

Braid her hair with your toes

70

u/zmbjebus Oct 21 '21 Gold

Braid your toes hair into her hair

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32

u/Warm-Lunch8011 Oct 21 '21

I’m trying not to laugh too hard at this. Hubby’s trying to sleep.

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21 This

[deleted]

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u/stormhunter2 Oct 21 '21

Or notify the flight attendant because this shit isn’t acceptable

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u/erxolam Oct 21 '21

Use sock as hair tie.

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u/Harvick4Pats11 Oct 20 '21 Silver Wholesome

I travel a ton and have never seen this. If this was to happen to me id politely ask them to move their hair. If they didn't I'd start flossing.

878

u/farbauti007 Oct 21 '21

Yup. Just threw up a little in my mouth.

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u/AzJohnnyC Oct 20 '21

I travel a ton also. I would probably just push the flight attendant button, and have them deal with it.

205

u/7937397 Oct 21 '21

This is the order of solutions:

  1. Ask the person to stop.
  2. If that doesn't work, call flight attendant.
  3. It that doesn't work, get petty.
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u/Farside20202020 Oct 21 '21

Yep. Then the fight is between her and the airline instead of you.

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142

u/Wingsofthepegasus Oct 21 '21

Probably the best solution. Though all the other ideas are fun to think of

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u/MotoTraveling Oct 21 '21

I also travel extremely frequently; I've seen people call the attendant to address another passenger right next to them. It always seems silly to me. I would politely talk to them first and if they're not receptive, then I'd talk to attendant.

173

u/JuniorSeniorTrainee Oct 21 '21

I'm gonna start using the fight attendant to pass passive aggressive messages to my girlfriend.

114

u/MotoTraveling Oct 21 '21

"Yes, attendant, can you tell the passenger next to me that this isn't working and I think we should break up?"

20

u/Monkey_Kebab Oct 21 '21

...and then ask the flight attendant if they have any dinner plans this evening.

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u/Infinite-Eggs Oct 21 '21

Because if they do something so blatantly disrespectful like in the OP that means they already lean on the confrontational or crazy side. The flight attendant is there as a witness in case things escalate.

You're in a giant metal can flying through the sky. You got nowhere to go if things turn sour.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '21

Best to just shank her in the neck with a rolled up SkyMall before she knows what's going on and has a chance to unleash her insanity on the other passengers.

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u/kissingdistopia Oct 20 '21

If I were sitting beside you and you started flossing with some lady's hair, I would be making a post just like this about you.

16

u/Glitter_Shitter_ Oct 21 '21

Next up on r/WTF and then a bot re-post to r/PublicFreakout and a bunch of other subs.

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u/IDislikePotatos Oct 21 '21 Silver

*Starts dancing upon declining to move hair

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u/ElfBingley Oct 21 '21

You've never seen it because you haven't had a long haired friend sit in front of you to stage a picture for reddit

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5.5k

u/Expections_Not_Meet Oct 20 '21 Silver

Grab it and throw it back over her head , wtf is she gonna do… he hair is in the way of your tray …

4.7k

u/stefaniki Oct 20 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Starstruck

Close it in the tray. Make sure a chunk is in the latch.

667

u/slickystoopkid Oct 21 '21

I wouldn't be bold enough to do that. I'd either ask her to move her hair or just press the flight attendant button so they could see for themselves and tell her to move her hair 😶

491

u/Sevren425 Oct 21 '21

I would ask nicely first, and then it would be on

638

u/idiotdroid Oct 21 '21

Honestly a "excuse me miss, your hair is in the way" is all you need. If she decides to ignore you, give you shit, or continue to keep putting her hair back, then I am just gonna get the flight attendant the second time. I am not going to start shit or be petty. Last thing I want is to go viral on this site, even if everyone thinks I am a hero or whatever.

393

u/AlmostButNotQuiteTea Oct 21 '21

The thing is, most people who actually do shit like this on a flight, also don't give a fuck if you ask them to stop

49

u/ColaEuphoria Oct 21 '21

Flight attendants don't really take bullshit from disruptive passengers though.

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u/Most-Philosopher9194 Oct 21 '21

I think this person is doing it in hopes that there is a confrontation

134

u/poopdogs98 Oct 21 '21

Except 90% of these are just friends being funny to get Likes on Reddit

30

u/WayLandShark Oct 21 '21

That’s what I was thinking. I would do this to mess with a friend, but I would not do this seriously to a friend or stranger.

14

u/Electronic-Pool Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21

This is interesting. Because I was wondering how this even makes sense or how she’s comfortable or why someone would do this? With hair that long you know what you’re doing and you’re just being annoying on purpose. So…I could buy this is the explanation.

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u/Slepnair Oct 21 '21

exactly. I'd ask nicely if she could move her hair, and if not, all bets are off.

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u/iamamonsterprobably Oct 21 '21

Also make sure you take a pic for Reddit first

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1.1k

u/rumbo211 Oct 21 '21

Excuse me stewardess, do you happen to have a pair of scissors?

1.1k

u/AcanthisittaSalty492 Oct 21 '21 Silver Gold Helpful Hugz

I would just chew 1 stick of gum at a time. After 5 minutes I would carefully put the gum in her hair and start chewing the next pice. Repeat until you don't have any gum left.

427

u/MissPicklechips Oct 21 '21 Helpful

I used to sit near a guy in church who would pick his nose and flick the boogers into the big hair of the lady in front of him.

373

u/not_again_again_ Oct 21 '21

Sounds pretty Christian like.

175

u/Addictd2Justice Oct 21 '21 Wholesome

The Lord works in mysterious ways

14

u/random_invisible Oct 21 '21

That lady getting home like "why is my hair always full of boogers after church?"

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u/Straypuft This is my Yellow Flair. Oct 21 '21

I never fly without a 40-pc Icebreakers Gum thingy.

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u/Traditional-Zombie22 Oct 21 '21

A lighter would do the job

115

u/blahblooblahblah Oct 21 '21

But the smell?! Bleh!

46

u/UnitedGTI Oct 21 '21

You haven't thought of the smell you bitch!

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u/OneWayorAnother11 Oct 21 '21

Nah that's a federal crime

121

u/Traditional-Zombie22 Oct 21 '21

I think the Feds would understand

58

u/OneWayorAnother11 Oct 21 '21

In a perfect world, absolutely.

23

u/Ryl0k3n Oct 21 '21

It was an accident

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u/Drunken_Traveler Oct 21 '21

can you even take a lighter into a plane with you these days?

9

u/ferretchad Oct 21 '21

Yup, I've done so on a flight between the UK and Europe, just need to chuck it in a bag with any liquids.

TSA is fine with them too

23

u/Drunken_Traveler Oct 21 '21

How about if you light someone's hair on fire midflight?

Could probably get away with it on Spirit

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u/smush81 Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21

Yes you can have one basic bic style lighter on you person. Not in checked baggage

Edit: just want to say this is TSA rules. I’m not saying they don’t slack off and miss shit all the time.

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u/skydiamond01 Oct 21 '21

Sneeze on her loud and dramatically

67

u/EvulRabbit Oct 21 '21

With a little water in the mouth to make it a juicy one!

72

u/Bri1203 Oct 21 '21

OMG yes oh I would love to see her reaction

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u/Drunken_Traveler Oct 21 '21

just start sucking on locks of her hair

48

u/Insert_Bad_Joke Oct 21 '21

"is that strawberry conditioner I'm tasting? I'd personally recommend the watermelon flavour"

73

u/Drunken_Traveler Oct 21 '21

"you have split ends. I can feel them in my mouth"

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u/UntestedMethod Oct 21 '21

yep, username checks out

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '21

That’s what I was thinking

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u/Christafaaa Oct 21 '21 Wholesome

Start to braid it..

139

u/PorkyMcRib Oct 21 '21

Cut the air sick bag into little strips and braid tiny little bows into her hair.

58

u/northernboarder Oct 21 '21

Reddit is so creative

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u/Mollinda Oct 21 '21

This is what I would do. Or comb it.

55

u/Drunken_Traveler Oct 21 '21

creepily sniff it

70

u/UntestedMethod Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21

start at the ends with nice deep inhales, nearly orgasmic sighs, slowly working your way up with increasing vigour until you're standing on your own seat hovering your sniffing little nose over her face, drooling your salivating tongue all over her, all the while covering and entwining your head, shoulders (and neck) with those disgustingly invasive locks of human hair.

26

u/Drunken_Traveler Oct 21 '21

I like your style. We should travel together

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u/deaglekitty Oct 21 '21

I’m impressed with your captivating run on sentence skills.

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u/MyUsernameIsNotLongE Oct 21 '21

Or just make a fake, loud, sneeze and tell them you're really sorry. :V

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u/WonderSearcher Oct 21 '21

Dip her hair in airline coffee.

84

u/HopeHostal Oct 21 '21 Silver

Then complain loudly to the flight attendant about the hair in your coffee.

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u/MidWesttess Oct 20 '21

For some reason this comment made me laugh the hardest

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u/Drunken_Traveler Oct 21 '21

she'll start a scene. I'd put gum in her hair. She won't put that shit back there again, I promise you.

38

u/Pennylick Oct 21 '21

"oops! must've come off the bottom of my shoe."

17

u/UntestedMethod Oct 21 '21

I believe this technique also works with actual shit. You could even include the slight variation to say "oops! must've come out of my bottom."

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1.8k

u/propizzy Oct 20 '21

Just start braiding. Then pulling. Then...

596

u/farbauti007 Oct 20 '21 Silver Helpful

Giggidy

152

u/MrHammer85 Oct 20 '21

Dear diary.. Jackpot!

41

u/farbauti007 Oct 20 '21

Dear diary....mile high club achieved!

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u/Shaneblaster Oct 20 '21 Silver Helpful

“What are you doing, step airline passenger?”

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1.5k

u/bradlees Oct 20 '21

Lower the tray

Take peanuts, offered drink and other non wanted items you are carrying and see how much gets stuck on / in hair

Store tray in upright position, ensuring said hair is locked in place

Wait for landing and people standing

????

Laugh as she clambers around like a psycho mule

219

u/Soulman999 Oct 20 '21

Extra points for braiding it into/onto tray

43

u/Swimming_Initial_758 Oct 21 '21

braid it into unfathomable knots and stuff them under the seat cover

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u/beigemom Oct 20 '21

I’d take my chewed gum and put it on the top of my Tray before I closed it (along w the other things you noted).

Then proceed to leave and go to the bathroom. For awhile.

103

u/JeecooDragon Oct 21 '21 Silver

I'd chew through my whole pack just so I could tie it up into a cute ponytail for her

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u/S4mu3lll Oct 21 '21

Get an audio of a scissor cutting hair, and play it close to her ear

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u/dinoaurus Oct 21 '21

This is actually funny and not an actual asshole move like most people are suggesting

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1.1k

u/Ran-Dizzy123 Oct 20 '21 Take My Energy

Start messing around with the tray table and "accidentally" pulling it.

If she starts moaning, you're out of luck.

480

u/iiitme Oct 20 '21

Or in luck

242

u/axord Oct 20 '21

Task failed successfully?

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u/ThatAltAccount99 Oct 20 '21

Looks like her man's is next to her so she may be outta luck if she starts moaning

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u/Pandepon Oct 20 '21

“Ma’am I just really really want to eat my starbucks pastry without a mouthful of hair”

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u/Jaki54321 Oct 20 '21

Loundly...

Me: Ding dong

Flight attendant: Yes, how can I help you?

Me: Yes, hi, do you mind if I borrow a pair of scissors?

218

u/farbauti007 Oct 21 '21

Flight attendant smiles and says: sure I'll be right back.

Air Marshall: May I have word please?

157

u/sprucenoose Oct 21 '21

sees hair

Air Marshal: Technically only I'm supposed to hold the gun but in this case I'll let you use it.

58

u/Scary_Replacement739 Oct 21 '21

shoots the hair but only the hair

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u/Cunnella Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

...and when you borrow those scissors use them to cut something...like the blanket...which sounds like hair. I can imagine her telling the flight attendant how threatened she feels and hoping the fight attendant suggests she pull her hair to safety on HER side of the seat.

176

u/Joxs2 Oct 20 '21

Fuck it, just cut her hair, hijack the plane and end it all.

66

u/Piranha_ChuckNorris Oct 20 '21

That escalated quickly

81

u/puppyfeets Oct 21 '21 Wholesome Seal of Approval Bravo Grande!

A hair trigger if you will

8

u/Apprehensive_Rip8461 Oct 21 '21

These antics are hair raising

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u/farbauti007 Oct 21 '21

Daaamn...I like the darkness in you sir/ma'am

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u/Funktrizzle13 Oct 21 '21

This cracked me the fuck up… thank you.

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u/tintinfailok Oct 20 '21

Guy in my city was arrested for assault for cutting a woman’s hair off in this situation, on a bus.

https://www.scmp.com/news/hong-kong/law-and-crime/article/2181888/man-who-cut-sleeping-womans-hair-hong-kong-bus-arrested

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u/evilbrain18 Oct 20 '21

1.Open tray table

2.Close tray table

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546

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21 Silver Hugz

[removed]

497

u/satooshi-nakamooshi Oct 21 '21 Silver

Sir, this is a reddit

172

u/TheSerpentDeceiver Oct 21 '21 Helpful

Where everyone acts like they would do something drastic to teach this person they do not know a lesson they'll never forget but in reality everyone would just sit there and take it or do something passive aggressive that the offending person wouldn't even know about.

43

u/jeffzebub Oct 21 '21

"Telling my whole life with his words

Killing me softly with his song"

12

u/esMazer Oct 21 '21

But in reality everyone would simply stare at it and take a picture to grumble on Reddit

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u/cybersteel8 GREEN Oct 21 '21

Stop being sane and reasonable

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u/Flupox Oct 21 '21

How dare you

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u/NothingPractical Oct 21 '21 edited Oct 21 '21 Helpful

I guarantee the conversation would go something like:

"Excuse me. Could you move your hair, please?"

"Oh, sorry. I forgot where I was for a sec."

"No worries, it happens."

28

u/katie4 Oct 21 '21

Yeah my guess was that this was an act of habit where she typically flips her hair behind her chair at home 10x day to not tickle/itch/sweat… when she realizes that she was on autopilot she’d probably be like OMG! mortified.

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u/Panelpro40 Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 21 '21

Cousin Itt .

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u/NuteBurn Oct 20 '21

Hand sanitizer will take that color right out.

104

u/JeecooDragon Oct 21 '21

I feel like this type of information isn't safe to be released to the public, but hey, the more you know ;)

35

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '21

Interesting.....

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u/WalterSanders Oct 21 '21

“Do you have lice?” “Um. No. “ “You do now.”

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u/RandomBitFry Oct 20 '21

What is the purpose of this move? Is it to stop hair getting messed up?

269

u/tragicandmagic Oct 20 '21

I have very long hair and manage to sit in airplane seats like a normal person. Not sure what her goal is…

58

u/_breadpool_ Oct 21 '21

My hair is only down to my shoulder blades, but if I get to hot or don't want to feel it smooshed against my neck, I just flip it over my shoulder. You'd think someone like her would have a friggin hair tie.

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u/ConsciousJohn Oct 20 '21

Yes. Really long hair tangles easily when seated in high-back chairs. But that doesn't excuse this. Person should definitely have pulled it up or around over their shoulder.

74

u/shinyprairie Oct 20 '21

She could have braided it too... which is lot better for securing and protecting hair than just throwing it around like that lol

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u/FormalMango Oct 20 '21

That hair is already pretty messed up.

But yeah, I’d say that’s the logic behind it…

I’ve got very long hair, and usually just pull it into a bun or a braid when I’m travelling, to make it easier to manage. Even when I’ve left it out, I don’t do this kind of shit.

29

u/rileysauntie Oct 20 '21

Also, long hair is HOT af. I do this in my own car when I’m alone. Never on a plane! So rude. But man it’s nice to have your hair off your neck.

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u/subhumanContinent Oct 20 '21

Did you say something???

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u/odinhelicopter8 Oct 20 '21

Put some gum in it.

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u/caillouistheworst Oct 20 '21

Gum? Just open and then close the tray over her hair and leave it. She’ll find out when she gets up.

17

u/Azatarai Oct 20 '21

Bet me to it by 9 mins lol I think this is the funniest way to do it without really pissing them off

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u/Cuervo888 Oct 20 '21

Spend the entire flight putting one piece of gum in her hair every 10 minutes or so until she notices. Then, “sorry it was an accident🙂”

121

u/Susurrus03 Oct 20 '21

Why take claim? Must have been gum on the seat somewhere, you can't tell, her hair was in the way.

109

u/Cuervo888 Oct 20 '21

Yes 4 whole packs worth of freshly chewed juicy fruit just so happened to be on the back of that seat. Lmfaoooo

38

u/Susurrus03 Oct 20 '21

Well nobody said you didn't put them on the seat. Just that they were on it.

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u/McFeely_Smackup Oct 21 '21

"I don't even chew gum" chews slowly

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u/ShxdowStxnce Oct 20 '21

lucifer is scared of you

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u/P26601 Oct 20 '21

Right at the top 😌

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u/Inglorious186 Oct 20 '21

Time to practice your boy scout knot tying skills

14

u/adammcx Oct 20 '21

I’d start just braiding it.

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u/IsisArtemii Oct 21 '21

I have hair that long, and I do put it over the back of seats. At home.

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u/Noahistheguy Oct 21 '21 Silver

Once saw this happen to a guy with a lady’s hair covering his tv screen in front of him. He said, “Excuse me ma’am, I just wanted to tell you that you have beautiful hair! It’s a little in front of my screen though so I’d appreciate if you could move it for me.”

Be like that guy.

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u/heckin_backcountry Oct 20 '21

Got any duct tape?

29

u/LordBigToe Oct 20 '21

I tie it to the backrest... And make sure that whoever's with me is ready to bolt for the exit right when we land

79

u/Oozlum-Bird Oct 20 '21

Sneeze in it

45

u/Fritz5678 Oct 20 '21

Yes, in the before times. I would start coughing and sneezing loudly in situations like this. This was especially so when the seats reclined more than they do now.

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43

u/Pandepon Oct 20 '21

I don’t understand why these people don’t put their hair in a damn bun like a sane person would to not sit on it... why do you gotta drape it over a chair like it’s a throw-blanket?

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7

u/Fearless-Cell3869 Oct 21 '21

Start petting is and repeating the line "soft kitty"

23

u/TheChalbs Oct 20 '21

I think this is the international sign for "play with my hair"

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u/_RZArector Oct 20 '21

Would be a shame if someone with big league chew was sitting behind her

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8

u/Ssteeple Oct 20 '21

That is a straight directive

7

u/joebaby1975 Oct 21 '21

I’d gasp really loudly and start asking the person next to me, “ OmG. Did you see that? It was fucking moving. EWW. What is that!” Watch her flip that mop quick.