r/HolUp 7d ago

Lot to unload here

Post image
93k Upvotes

u/BlatantConservative nitro 7d ago edited 7d ago

Guys. Guys. It's edited.

Clearly.

Please don't take literally anything on this subreddit as fact. Actually, please don't ever take anything presented in an image like this as fact, anywhere on the internet. Don't even trust me.

The amount of people who thought more people searched "librarian" than "Brokeback Mountain fanfiction" in Montana is staggering. Also, Oklahomans are clearly furries.

Edit: Someone sent me the real Pornhub stats here: https://www.pornhub.com/insights/united-states-top-searches

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u/WontonSoup93 7d ago

Michigan be like " 4 sore and 7 inches ago.."

440

u/BigScenarios 7d ago

Every time I see a map line this, I’m content with Michigan constantly making it to the middle of the pack and not standing out in any way and staying off of everyone’s radar.

Then porn gets involved.

103

u/bmankool 7d ago

As someone who resides in Michigan there's only two ways out. You can go through Paradise or through Hell. The choice is up to you.

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u/sortaHeisenberg 7d ago

Could even go through Gay if that tickles your fancy

24

u/bmankool 7d ago

Make sure to stop for some Vernors for your sore throat afterwards.

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u/Poison5 7d ago

Boats

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u/GoChaca 7d ago

BOATS AND HOES!

301

u/chum_slice 7d ago

Get on my Deck!

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u/MattyNarcy 7d ago

I would love to ride on your big deck.

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u/Vynaca 7d ago

All hands on deck!

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u/alfayala84 7d ago

Collaborators? Possibly you!

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u/DerpTaTittilyTum 7d ago

Deadliest catch, without the crabs, we're almost out of gas, call the Arabs!

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u/pairate_ 7d ago

BOATS BOATS BOATS

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u/ungoliants 7d ago

The fuck is going on in Oklahoma?

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u/MichaelJCaboose_ 7d ago

I am from Oklahoma, and I can confirm I have no fucking clue of any person who watches that.

1k

u/tehnibi 7d ago

HI well I am here to ruin that for you

I am an Oklahoman and I want a big titty goth nurse to take care of me

Don't shame me bro

179

u/turntechArmageddon 7d ago

I think I need a road trip to Oklahoma

103

u/Skyrmir 7d ago

Remember, if they're searching for it, it's because they ain't got it.

50

u/youwill_forgetthis 7d ago

Florida ain't got boats and pussy brah?

16

u/Deltasnake333 7d ago

Damn i wonder how they are gonna have sex with boats..

17

u/ethridge_wayland 7d ago

“Florida man f***s boats!”

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u/danceswithwool 7d ago

We love our hospital porn!

Me to the guy at the front desk of a hotel:

Excuse me but is the porn in my room disabled?

Desk Clerk:

No, it’s just regular porn, weirdo

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u/Kaprosuchusboi 7d ago

I really want to know what’s going on in Florida..then again it’s Florida

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u/greendragon59911 madlad 7d ago

Yes, and "Droopy balls" Colorado.

1k

u/NedRyerson_Insurance 7d ago

"Kevin James" though. By far the strangest...

774

u/random-Chris 7d ago

Okay but like, goth hospital??

439

u/JustWingIt0707 7d ago

Goth girls are a thing. Hospital fantasies are a thing. I'm guessing a lot of people in Oklahoma have a fetish overlap.

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u/NotFromStateFarmJake 7d ago edited 7d ago

Someone made this joke about Alaska not having women so their top is lesbians. Oklahoma is probably the same with hospitals.

Edit: their vs they’re

111

u/JustWingIt0707 7d ago

I can't tell if I should laugh because that's hilarious or cry because that's terribly sad.

43

u/Ihavealpacas 7d ago

Nothing like a good cry while your tugging one off.

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u/randomanon1109 7d ago

Nope it's just one guy but he searches for it a lot

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u/NedRyerson_Insurance 7d ago

Well now that I know that's a thing I'm going to search for it too. I guess first I need to see if they are in-network for my insurance. Fucking US health care.

And while I love Kevin James for his work in stand-up as well as film and TV, it will be a strange sad night when he shows up in my pornhub search.

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u/bangladeshiswamphen 7d ago

Goth Hospital is less concerning than droopy balls, Kevin James, and skin combined.

87

u/Denovation 7d ago

What about Racist.

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u/Exciting-Insect8269 7d ago

Boats (Florida) killed me lol

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u/MadDogA245 7d ago

Azur Lane moment

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u/IGetItCrackin 7d ago

Kind of naked nugget licking cock wielding bum spunk-bubble handling foolish piss voyeur ... "Kevin James" is long.

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u/rebuiltlogan 7d ago

I dunno. Kevin James is hot af to me so I get it

14

u/NedRyerson_Insurance 7d ago

But like, are there actual results for his name in pornhub?

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u/rebuiltlogan 7d ago

Just verified. Tons of results. None that have anything to do with Kevin James. Kinda disappointing but I respect Tennessee in their attempt to find the good stuff

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u/Strict-Chemist-252 7d ago

Being from Kevin James I agree..

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u/cyberdog_318 7d ago

Idk if you're looking up skin does that imply there is a lack of skin?

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u/clever_username23 7d ago

I think it's people so used to people wearing long, heavy clothing, that they're just happy to see some actual skin.

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u/gaybrosgonewild 7d ago

So everybody forgot about "Racist" huh?

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u/Secret_Bees 7d ago

Seriously what the fuck michigan??

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u/Reacher-Said-N0thing 7d ago

Okay this feels like the comment where I should point out that OP's image is not, in fact, real. It is based off a real infographic, but all the hilarious items have been photoshopped in. Hence why they're all in a different font with different clarity.

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u/NanoBuc 7d ago

You mean an entire state isn't searching for Kevin James porn? Damn, buzzkill.

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u/GenerallyDoGood 7d ago

Sex on boats… because of the implication.

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u/thealexchamberlain 7d ago

You said that word a couple of times... what implication?

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u/hailiedeegansfeet 7d ago

The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Now, not that things are gonna go wrong for her but she's thinking that they will.

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u/JimEasy 7d ago

Not to mention that boats are a great investment.

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u/Corny_Overlord 7d ago

How are we dancing around the elephant in the room.... WTF Michigan

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u/FlowerNo2145 7d ago

YESS MOMMY CALL ME N-

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u/xxadmxx 7d ago

Not really understanding that one. Maybe people in Michigan like to see racists get fucked? Not a wise strategy though... that leads to the creation of little racists.

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u/fib93030710 7d ago

As someone who grew up in Michigan, you're giving the state too much credit. I think it's racists just wanting to make sure their porn is racist too

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u/hot4you11 7d ago

There is a lot of porn that takes place in boats and they are fond of their boats there, it’s not that weird.

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u/PM-ME-UR-NUDES_GIRL 7d ago

Is it wierd that my brain immediately went to two boats going at it instead of sex on boats?

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u/KeyStoneLighter 7d ago

Fuck Florida, what’s up with Tennessee?

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u/TheCrosader 7d ago

Something notOkLahoma

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u/2legit2quit1337 7d ago edited 7d ago

I live in Oklahoma. Never seen a goth hospital and now am too afraid to google it.

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u/Shagrrotten 7d ago

Same. Obviously I always look to see what our state is up to. I’ve never heard of Goth Hospital and I’m definitely too afraid to look.

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u/asavage1491 7d ago

Boats and stepsisters ok. Weird but sure. Fucking skin though??? What in the buffalo bill fuck is going on over there. Figures I guess.

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u/Winter-King__ 7d ago

Bro Kevin James, need I say more.

591

u/Tmill233 7d ago

You don’t look for Kevin James porn? That’s the best category on the internet.

241

u/Kapples14 7d ago

Paul Blart Mall Sex

144

u/DoucheCanoeBruh 7d ago

Paul Blart - All Cock

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u/Winter-King__ 7d ago

I mean I've looked at bears before, but not specifically Kevin James. I'll have to look it up.

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u/Dobler97 7d ago

Are we just going to skip over "Goth Hospital"?

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u/PossessionDecent6035 7d ago

Oklahoma is always overlooked. No matter what we do or how weird we get...

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u/a-seablob 7d ago

hah! i knew "goth hospitals" was just attention seeking.

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u/Dawn-Of-Dusk 7d ago

on my time on the internet i’ve met about 3 oklahomans. you’re one of them.

but yeah we basically don’t exist to the world unless it’s sports

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u/Amatsua 7d ago

Sorry, I was too distracted by Droopy Balls.

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u/johnnyb1917 7d ago

Sounds pretty good to me idk

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u/xscumfucx 7d ago

“Goth Hospital” sounds like something I’d enjoy. I’m off to search + will report back with my findings.

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u/Naldaen 7d ago

I'm from Texas and live in Florida. I went to Delaware. Once.

Fuck Delaware.

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u/Exciting-Insect8269 7d ago

Yes sir! Packing my bags to go fuck Delaware.

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u/tatsumakisenpuukyaku 7d ago

Granted it's Delaware, there's only three people here and half those searches are from me.

I just like my porn stars acne free

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u/Psychological_Cut705 7d ago

Take it your one of those 'with skin' sorta guys then

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u/Acceptable-Bus-9226 7d ago

Of course Alaska would be lesbians. They’re not used to seeing two women in the same location at the same time doing anything.

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u/oleksanderb 7d ago edited 7d ago

I'm surprised the lack of women didn't lead to their most searched term being polar bears... Just the cold version of TN.

Edit: or the ice road trucker the polar bear..

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u/HashMime 7d ago

I live in Alaska and I can assure you no one thinks about polar bears regularly

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u/Dodeejeroo 7d ago

How do we know you’re not a polar bear trying to trick us into going there?

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u/ewdrive 7d ago

I know, right. That's exactly what a polar bear would say

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u/thatbwoyChaka 7d ago

Definitely a Polar Bear

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u/FckUsernms 7d ago

I got tricked once by a polar bear this way. Never again.

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u/gibbygibby 7d ago

What’s going on in Colorado? Droopy Balls? Really?

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u/SamtenLhari3 7d ago

That cracked me up.

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u/SHTIFFee 7d ago

I thought it was a South Park joke

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u/ThePhatNoodle 7d ago

Heard shits pretty bad up there. Had a coworker that worked some kind of oil field or something over there and he was talking about how you can't go out at night and how men would rape men.

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u/Acceptable-Bus-9226 7d ago

That’s crazy!

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u/alwaysboopthesnoot 7d ago

Forcible rape rates in Alaska are astronomical; the numbers are consistently 2-3X that of the US average. 150 rapes per 100,000 people at last estimation.

Arkansas is next in line, with 75 rapes per 100,000 people. Still very bad, but it’s half the rate of Alaska’s.

So, folks: Alaska may be the last frontier, but it’s also the last place you should ever lower your guard.

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u/hugsoverdrugs 7d ago

Those are also the only ones reported.

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u/GrimlockRoxas 7d ago

True……most men would be too embarrassed and have too much pride to tell that someone raped them.

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u/reverendsteveii 7d ago

I did, for years. I didn't even acknowledge it as rape til years later, but I didn't want to have sex so she dissolved a xanax in my beer then hopped on top while I was incoherent and I can't think of a different word for that.

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u/BetterSafeThanSARSy 7d ago

I'm so sorry to hear that my brother. I hope you're doing well now.

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u/NiceyNurse 7d ago

That’s rape, reverend. I‘m sorry that happened to you.

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u/Spare-Prize5700 7d ago

I mean, there’s plenty of things already in Alaska that would make me never lower my guard. I’ll just add that to the list.

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u/inbooth 7d ago edited 7d ago

Abusers abuse.

If they don't have their preferred target they just find another.

A single (Ed: convicted) rapist has an average of 6 admitted victims, likely more in reality due to likelihood of underreporting. (Ed: should have also noted, those who are caught likely have fewer victims total than those who avoid capture, with some having extremely high numbers nearing or exceeding triple digits. The numbers available are only for those convicted, excluding those who escape the law etc. So only the "dumbest criminals".)

So it only takes a handful of bad men to make everyone, even the other men, into rape victims etc.

Interestingly, on a related note regarding such assaults as broken down by gender, women in women's prisons abuse each other (inmate on inmate) at rates 2-3x that of men in men's prisons. It really is counter to the expectations induced by "common wisdom". I note this to note that abuse isn't a gendered issue, humans just have a portion of our population who is like that and who has always been a problem. The key is to keep them from positions of power etc and not fall for their lies/games/etc.

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u/myjohnsonsmagic 7d ago

Can you provide sourcing for this? I’d like to be able to repeat this but need to be able to source it appropriately.

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u/cccairooo 7d ago

Goth hospital. Goth. Hospital.

GOTH HOSPITAL.

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u/ohneHonig 7d ago

Goth Hospital? What da heck is goin on there?

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u/CommanderSe7en 7d ago

<.< >.>

I'll be right back.

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u/Silentmooses 7d ago

It’s been a half an hour and nothing I think he’s missing or jerking off

216

u/ohneHonig 7d ago

I think he found something that he likes

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u/mal_laney 7d ago

A Whole New World

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u/wsbsecmonitor 7d ago

A dazzling fetish I never knew

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u/Zimboi178 7d ago

No one to tell us no! Or when to blow!

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u/Silentmooses 7d ago

Lol probably

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u/CommanderSe7en 7d ago

There's some.... uhh

There's some crazy stuff on that interwebs.

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u/xXMissNinjaXx 7d ago

What did you witness? Did the abyss stare back into you?

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u/CommanderSe7en 7d ago

Guys....

I dont want to play this game anymore.

I'm gonna go take a cold shower.....

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u/TakeShitsMuch 7d ago

Please share your experience so we may not be forced into the same fate

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u/Silentmooses 7d ago

Tell ya what you witnessed

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u/vorsegg 7d ago

A minute for our fallen brethren. Goth hospitals have been the death of many a weak hearted brother.

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u/PPP_V 7d ago

Lmaooooo Kevin James big if true...well big if false too

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u/JewishSeamen 7d ago

Wtf is racist porn

275

u/Embarrassed-Ad966 7d ago

White on black porn

260

u/the_ju66ernaut 7d ago

But they're wearing confederate flag shirts. That's important.

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u/PissInTheCumBucket 7d ago

Oh man yeah I know that video. "Paint my face white" is what I think it's called...

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u/pokeaim 7d ago

it's about an x colored person watching another x colored person winning a debate against non x colored person

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u/N7DJN8939SWK3 7d ago

Oh you live on the MILF belt?

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u/PatsyR99 7d ago

Who is Kevin James??

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u/AlyxxStarr 7d ago

He’s a king of sorts

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u/Its-Mr-Robot 7d ago

Of queens possibly?

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u/xYsoad 7d ago

My eyes are getting weary, my back is gettin tight

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u/Chilidogdingdong 7d ago

Jesus fucking Christ I havnt even seen this show in probably 10 years and the whole damn theme song popped in my head just from reading this.

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u/NedRyerson_Insurance 7d ago

aka Paul Blart.

Also a damn funny stand-up.

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u/oyequebola 7d ago

Who’s looking for him on porn hub is the real question

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u/Light_Beard 7d ago

He is the not-Farley

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u/Strict-Chemist-252 7d ago

Pretty accurate

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u/FutureFallout214 7d ago

He was great in King of Queens.

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u/Kidninja016 7d ago

Welcome to the milfwest

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u/xEightyHD 7d ago

It's deadass the Milfeast tho

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u/nwoh 7d ago

Them corn fed girls and good clean living...

chefs kiss

🧑‍🍳💋👌

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u/Dark_Demon_69 7d ago

Racist……

WOW

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u/sheara_without_karma 7d ago

What, are you saying you don’t watch racist

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u/NoTune3287 7d ago

I have no idea in hell how that is the most searched thing, and I love there

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u/gwoers 7d ago

I prefer to think that there are only a few dudes searching hundreds of thousands of times lol And not that this is what most Michiganders have searched

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u/Rwby23 7d ago

I live in Michigan, I really have no idea what the fuck my state is doing

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u/Shut-the-fuck-up- 7d ago

Born and raised in Michigan. I now live in Florida, you think Michigan doesn't know what's going on? Move to Florida and prepare yourself for a culture shock.

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u/Ghost-Sushi 7d ago

Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

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u/secretagentMikeScarn 7d ago

You actually think this is real?

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u/Exciting-Insect8269 7d ago

Some of it wouldn’t surprise me, some of it is pretty obviously fake

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u/not_rick_27 7d ago

some of it is pretty obviously fake

Not boat, obviously

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u/Someidiotnamedmike 7d ago

As a Michigander...

I'm surprised this search term isn't more popular

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u/Relative-Let4114 7d ago

As a Michigander I didn't even know that was a category....wtf

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u/HappyChef86 7d ago

No kink shame, my buddy who's a gay black male is actually really into race play. I never knew it was a thing before he told me.

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u/UmbraeNaughtical 7d ago

Sometimes i think all the world's problems will simply be solved by them becoming sexualized.

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u/EndOfSouls 7d ago

I guess the furries are working on the hungry animals problem.

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u/PuddingTrue8249 7d ago

Press x to doubt

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u/TheNinjaWarrior 7d ago

The amount of people that don't get that this is fake is concerning.

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u/PhoenixARC-Real 7d ago

yeah the actual metrics are at https://www.pornhub.com/insights/united-states-top-searches

on a related note, most of it is lesbian porn followed by step-sister, then step-mom, then ebony, then cartoon, finishing with milf, asian, and black

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u/Only1Skrybe 7d ago

All the ebony lesbian teens out there, please stay inside where it's safe.

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u/574859434F4E56455254 7d ago

The more I scrolled the more I was coming to believe that everybody just considered it so obvious that it was fake that they didn't even bother mentioning it or even alluding to it.

But no, that doesn't seem to be the case.

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u/The_Freshmaker 7d ago

yO cOlOrAdO wHaTs WiTh uR bALLs

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u/CHRONOSWARRIOR09 7d ago edited 7d ago

Florida, Colorado, Delaware and michigan? We need to talk. Oklahoma, you’re doing a great job. Also, Tennessee? What?

Edit; (this blew up what the fuck)

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u/Safe-Paleontologist1 7d ago

Finally someone notices how many big toddy goth nurses there are in Oklahoma

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u/Shatshotshet 7d ago

I don’t think I would have thought of typing “goth hospital” at PornHub. TIL…

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u/Safe-Paleontologist1 7d ago

Florida’s into boat on boat porn, why cant we be into goth girls in hospitals

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u/Shatshotshet 7d ago

I’m not being negative; I applaud the creativity! Goths are hot!

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u/TemporaryReality5262 7d ago

From Colorado, I search "droopy balls" probably 9 or 10 times on a slow day

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u/Technical-Jicama6120 7d ago

Also a CO resident, and can confirm.

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u/Pennywise626 7d ago

Clearly you've never seen a chick getting railed on a boat

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u/jason375 7d ago

She’s floating too I guess…

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u/Supersageultima 7d ago

We all float down there

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u/jcelmer23 7d ago

Haven’t you ever heard of Captain stabbin’, you know the guy doing chicks on a boat in a captains hat?

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u/TheSecondManGuyDude 7d ago

Don’t judge we do what we have too so that we can live here

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u/Facu-Nahu 7d ago

Racist? Boats? Da fuck is wrong...

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u/VIK_96 7d ago

Actually boat porn seems quite normal compared to the rest. 😂

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u/Mrstrongarms 7d ago

Ok so I see many things wrong with this, first what the fuck is droopy balls, librarian, boat and SKIN… Second what the fuck they doin up in Maine. Third why is the south not sister

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u/akitsuki_ 7d ago

Third why is the south not sister

Would you look up something you get to experience everyday?

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u/SenorIngles 7d ago

The maine result is just Stephen King doing research for his next book.

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u/Bigfatedgelord 7d ago edited 7d ago

I don’t think this one is real I’ve seen a similar one by pornhub and it didn’t look like this it was a lot more expected.

Edit: dear god maybe not… https://www.google.com/amp/s/nypost.com/2020/11/13/pornhub-releases-top-porn-searches-per-state-during-election-week/amp/ my favorites are swag, Popeyes and election

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u/OC3LOT1142 7d ago

"Wait, the Midwest is all MILF?"

"Always has been"

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u/licensedwatermelon2 7d ago

Who tf in my state searching droopy balls????

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u/Ev11an 7d ago

Fuck around and search me some Colorado

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u/01Fun 7d ago

Sounds about right for Colorado.

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u/AversionFX 7d ago

What the fuck, Colorado

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u/RetroTaro10 7d ago

Let me get at some of that “goth hospital” please.

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u/Graphitetshirt 7d ago

Weird that Colorado is into "droopy balls" and Tennessee is hot for "Kevin James", because when you go to PornHub and type in either search term, they both bring you the same videos.

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u/GamingImpossibl 7d ago

B O A T S

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u/llllllIIIllIll 7d ago

Droopy balls??

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u/shrubberies2 7d ago

AYO?! The fucks goin on here in Michigan?

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u/mplsandrew 7d ago

The droopy balls got me good.